How Could This Happen To Me?
by LemonBubble
Summary: I've made my mistakes, got nowhere to run. Jaden realises what she's done after she kills Rosh.


_I always feel really bad when I choose the dark side, or a 'bad' ending. So, after I killed Rosh, I was really wishing I hadn't killed Rosh. Also I was listening to 'How Could This Happen to Me?' while I wrote this (which explains the title), so yeah, it's pretty emo. Jaden is a Twi'lek in this story._

As she flew away from Taspir III, Jaden thought carefully about the path she had chosen. It was then, alone in space, that the horror of what she had done finally hit her. Her anger had faded now and there was only an empty hole where it had been, waiting for another emotion to fill it. Sadness and regret poured in. She wondered if she could go back, and change it, but she knew it was too late. Rosh was dead. Dead, dead, dead. And she, Jaden, had killed him.

Letting the ship's autopilot take over, Jaden curled up in the seat and chewed her lip, like she always did when she was worried. The chief thought in her mind was _What have I done?_

She had wanted the power. She had wanted the scepter of Ragnos, she had killed for it. She had killed Rosh, she had killed Alora. She had killed Rosh. Rosh was dead. Rosh, who she had known before she even got to the Academy (admittedly not for long, but it still counted). She absent mindedly fingered one of the golden cuffs on her lekku, feeling the shapes carved into it, shapes which had always been comforting, but now felt like pain and sorrow.

Despite her sadness, she didn't cry. Jaden had sworn to herself long ago that she would never cry again. She thought back to that moment on Taspir III... Rosh had been begging, Kyle had tried to stop her. A little voice, deep under the anger, had been trying to stop her too. Now the anger was gone that voice could be properly heard. It scolded, and muttered and expressed all the regret the Jaden was feeling.

The scenery changed as the ship came in for a landing on Korriban. Jaden saw a couple of other Jedi near where she was landing. She tried to neaten herself up, knowing her gold lipstick would be smudged from where she had chewed her lip. She got out of the ship and was immediately set upon.

"Jaden! Thank the Force you're here!" the other student paused and frowned. "Jaden?" his eyes widened. "I sense the dark side in you. We can't let you pass!" Both students drew and ignited their light sabers. Jaden backed away, her hands out in an attempt to placate them.

"No, you don't understand! It's not like that!" They both approached, but didn't seen about to attack. Jaden retreated to the other side of her ship, watching them through the cockpit windows. Her eyes suddenly focused on her reflection in the glass, and she saw such anger in her face, although she felt none.

"No." she whispered, backing away from the ship. Those were her eyes, that was her blue skin, it was her face, but "That's not me." she told the reflection, wishing it would go away. She tripped on a piece of rubble, but didn't get back up. The two students approached from the other side of the ship, their sabers now unlit. The male student came over, confusion on his face and reached out to touch her shoulder. She recoiled and curled into a ball.

"Jaden?" he asked, only concerned for a fellow student now. "Jaden, what's wrong?" Jaden was silent for a moment before answering.

"Please," she whispered, almost to herself, "I need help. I- I've done something terrible. I need help." Again her mind took her back to Taspir III, and she heard Rosh begging, and his cry when she stabbed him... If only she had realised what she had done then. She could have helped him, saved him. But she had been too wrapped up in her anger.

"Jaden, what did you do?" there was an edge to his voice now.

"Something terrible." Jaden repeated. It was then that the sound of engines alerted them to the arrival of Kyle's ship. Kyle himself soon appeared. When he saw Jaden he reached for his light saber, although he did not ignite it. He stormed towards her, a scowl on his usually friendly face.

"Do you realise what you've done?" he growled. Jaden, still on the ground, shuffled away from him.

"I-I'm sorry Kyle! I was angry... so angry..." she wanted to say she didn't mean it, but she had meant it, and she had done it. "I didn't... it wasn't... I couldn't..." she said, her voice getting quieter. "That wasn't me." her voice was back to a whisper. "Please. I need help." Kyle still scowled, but she could sense he wasn't as angry as he had been. Although she tried to fight it, a single tear rolled down her cheek. She felt like a child again, small and alone. She looked up at Kyle, but didn't meet his eyes. "I need help." she repeated.

"What did she do?" the female student asked, speaking for the first time since Jaden landed.

"She killed Rosh Penin." Kyle said, anger still in his voice, but it was mingled with sadness. Jaden could feel the shock of the other students, and she lowered her gaze again.

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "I am." Another tear followed the first. "Help me."

_It would have been longer, but it's nearly 2am and I have school tomorrow. I may update this at some point. Does anyone else ever feel bad for killing Rosh?_


End file.
